Intermarche

Day#3.

Thursday 1st April.

April fools day.

First conversation of the day involved James imparting a rare nugget of Shazza-wisdom. At the start of a new month you should say ‘white rabbits’ three times before you say anything else. Beautiful. Rest of the morning passed by in a blur involving my first lilo experience whilst wearing the vivs and drinking gin. Realised I’m extremely talented at navigating my way around a pool whilst precariously perched.   

Hot sunny walk to intermarche for necessary foodstuffs. I braved getting the pale legs out and the Portuguese could not get enough. Gawping may be the only word to describe it. The legs were starting to feel sassy and smug but it was soon dissolved by James remarking that the gawpers were probably thinking, ‘Are they prosthetic?!’ [in Portuguese]. I drowned my sorrows by picking flowers and putting them in James’ hat.

VICTORY at the intermarche as we snapped some winning Supermarket Sweep style pictures. Highlights included the where-the-fuck-am-I face in the cheese aisle [we had already accounted for the expensive Portuguese cheese prices by smuggling a giant slab of Cathedral City into the country] and riding the trolley in the pet food aisle. One of the best shopping trips of my life. Everything is much more mysterious when it’s foreign. 

Sapping afternoon walk back to the villa. It was too hot, my cream brogues were rubbing and it was all uphill WITH CARRIER BAGS. There was a brief respite at a children’s park in a Portuguese ghetto but a nifty breeze lifted my skirt up whilst I was on a swing. A lady and her dog were watching. I wondered if she was mentally ill, she had a deranged look about her. To spur us on during the walk back we had various checkpoints. Dog checkpoint - ant checkpoint - bin checkpoint - home. Thank god, James was about to pass out. He was having a sugar dip which was solved by a cheese and ham toastie. I had what I like to call continental baguettes [cheese and ham baguettes] and James said that I make food look cute. COMPLIMENT. Then came the good stuff; waffles, strawberries and ice cream. The ice cream had melted on the sapping walk back and it’d turned Mr Whippy-esque, ‘We could make a fortune!’ 

Afternoon sangria by the pool. Read Elle for a bit. James fell asleep [sugar dips strike again]. I spun around with my orange sarong for a bit. Eventually we both decided to brave the pool which was still freezing. It started to give James a bit of a sore throat. Undeterred by the arctic temperatures I did my best impression of a monster of the deep and floated face-down like I was dead. Snap, snap. RIP.

Beef medallions, chips and salad for tea, all purchased from that brilliant intermarche. I think it’s a sign that we could emigrate at any moment. We had adapted to our surroundings. It was like natural selection, Darwin would’ve loved it. Food was yummy but the garlic mayonnaise too salty. We talked about BO over the beef and James left one whole chip so I ate it. We got our groove on to Rihanna whilst washing slash drying up. I learned that the words ‘firebomb’ and ‘slash’ can bring a man to his knees [literally!] Listened to Goldfrapp’s ‘Believer’ whilst watching James making a cup of tea and felt really happy. We shared a dairy milk easter egg over two episodes of Brothers&Sisters followed by hysterical gaga-ness over a Girls Aloud live dvd. Whoops of joy anytime NICOLA was on screen [obv]. Lots of clapping and energy involved. We buffeted the Girls Aloud come-down by watching another episode of Bros&Hoes before bed timez. 

Bedcovers looked very cream against my hands blotched with heat rash. Nose was red too. It must be too sticky outy for its own good. I wondered if it had adapted that way to protect my lips, like a little parasol on my face. Evolution must love my lips. Felt quietly proud of my burnt nose and hoped it made me look like I’d been away to people back home.